The Brainiacs Read online

  THE BRAINIACS

  BY H. BADGER

  ILLUSTRATED BY D. GREULICH

  The Brainiacs

  published in 2011 by

  Hardie Grant Egmont

  Ground Floor, Building 1, 658 Church Street

  Richmond, Victoria 3121, Australia

  www.hardiegrantegmont.com.au

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means without the prior permission of the publishers and copyright owner.

  A CiP record for this title is available from the National Library of Australia

  Text copyright © 2011 H. Badger

  Illustration and design copyright © 2011 Hardie Grant Egmont

  Cover illustration by S. Miller

  Illustrated by D. Greulich

  Series design by S. Swingler

  Typeset by Ektavo

  1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

  Printed in Australia by Griffin Press, an Accredited ISO AS/NZS 14001:2004

  Environmental Management System printer.

  The paper this book is printed on is certified against the Forest Stewardship Council® Standards. Griffin Press holds FSC chain of custody certification SGS-COC-005088. FSC promotes environmentally responsible, socially beneficial and economically viable management of the world’s forests.

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 1

  Kip Kirby couldn’t stop yawning. He’d been studying for ages and the school library always made him feel sleepy. His head nodded and his eyelids lowered…

  ‘Wake up!’ yelled Kip’s best friend Jett.

  ‘SHHHHHHHHHH!’ bleeped a robot, tidying a shelf nearby. Its red eyes flashed.

  Kip and Jett hated Shhhbots, which had replaced human librarians hundreds of years ago. Shhhbots had antennas on their heads that picked up the tiniest noise. In-built detectors scanned your library books from a distance. The Shhhbot gave your arm a mild shock if your books were overdue. Antenna for picking up noise

  ‘Keep reading,’ Jett told Kip. ‘You’re nearly out of time.’

  Kip wasn’t studying an old-fashioned paper book. He was reading a BuzzBook. In fact, he was reading two at once!

  BuzzBooks vibrated with millions of electrical pulses. Kip ran his fingers over them and his brain converted the vibrations into words. He was reading Alien Cuisine (Year 2354 ed.) with his left hand and Flags of the Universe, Vol. 2 with his right.

  Kip didn’t usually study this hard. He didn’t have time! He was juggling school with his job as a Space Scout.

  Kip loved being a Space Scout. It was his job to search the universe for a second Earth, because the current one was nearly out of room.

  Kip’s job meant he got the fastest, coolest starship and lots of high-tech gadgets. Plus he got to explore planets that humans had never seen before.

  Kip was due to leave on his next mission into space in a couple of hours, but this one was going to be different.

  Kip was heading to a planet called Clevor. The annual Smartest Kid in the Universe quiz was being held there. Earth was competing for the first time, and Kip had been chosen to represent his planet!

  ‘How come you were chosen, anyway?’ asked Jett.

  Kip explained that even though he wasn’t the geekiest kid on Earth, he had the most intergalactic travel experience. It was a long flight, and space travel could be hard on people who weren’t used to it.

  ‘So that’s why they’re sending me,’ he finished, pushing back from the desk. ‘Anyway, I’m bored of these BuzzBooks. Let’s do something else.’

  Kip hit play on his Teach-A-Tronic, a virtual-reality lesson player.

  A virtual alien popped out from behind Jett’s chair. Kip picked up a glob of virtual purple goo that had appeared next to him. It felt slimy and cold. Even though Kip knew the goo didn’t really exist, he was always impressed with how real virtual reality was.

  ‘Studying alien slime-tossing customs is heaps more interesting this way!’ Kip laughed, tossing the glob at the virtual-reality alien.

  The alien hurled back his own glob of slime and Kip ducked as it flew past him. Straight into the back of a ShhhBot’s head!

  SPLAT!

  Uh-oh, thought Kip.

  ‘Leave the library IMMEDIATELY!’ bleeped the outraged robot.

  ‘It wasn’t real slime,’ Jett protested.

  ‘But it made real noise,’ the Shhhbot snapped.

  ‘Don’t chuck us out,’ Kip begged. ‘I haven’t finished studying!’

  The Shhhbot rolled towards Kip, waving the shocker on its arm.

  Kip and Jett jumped up. They didn’t want to get shocked! They raced out of the library and jumped into an elevator, narrowly missing the Shhhbot.

  ‘There’s no point hanging around on Earth if I can’t study!’ said Kip pressing the button for the roof. ‘I might as well head up to MoNa a bit early.’

  MoNa 4000 was Kip’s starship. She was glossy and black, and highly advanced. Unfortunately she was also very bossy.

  Kip flagged down a Universal Taxi and jumped in. UniTaxis were small, self-piloting spacecraft designed for travel within Earth’s atmosphere.

  In a swirl of dust, Kip blasted off, waving goodbye to Jett. Kip was heading for the Intergalactic Hoverport, where MoNa was docked.

  Soon the UniTaxi dropped Kip off inside MoNa’s landing bay. Kip jumped out and strode through the airlock into MoNa’s main cabin.

  ‘So…you’re battling the Universe’s smartest kids,’ MoNa’s voice chirped over the loudspeaker. She saw and heard everything Kip did while he was onboard. ‘Are you sure your head will fit through that door?’ she added.

  Kip rolled his eyes and didn’t answer. He felt a paw on his shoulder.

  It was Finbar, Kip’s second-in-command, or 2iC. Finbar was half-human, half-arctic wolf. He was two metres tall and looked scary. But beneath his fangs and claws, he was a total softie.

  Finbar lived aboard MoNa. He always looked thrilled to see Kip. Kip reckoned that living with MoNa would get a bit much sometimes!

  ‘Time to download your mission brief,’ ordered MoNa, right on cue.

  An excited shiver zipped up Kip’s spine. His mission to Clevor was about to begin!

  CHAPTER 2

  Kip and Finbar headed for MoNa’s bridge, the command centre in her nose cone. It had huge windows looking out to space.

  Kip got into his captain’s chair and activated the holographic console. A cylinder of light shot down from above. MoNa’s controls floated in mid-air all around him.

  Kip hit Download Mission Brief.

  While Kip was reading, MoNa had piloted them out of the Hoverport. There was a bump as she left Earth’s atmosphere. Then MoNa flew herself smoothly towards the wormhole leading to Clevor.

  Wormholes were shortcuts through space. Starships could travel through them in seconds to distant galaxies.

  The wormhole ahead was a swirling mass of cloud. Kip knew it would take all his flying skills to navigate safely through. He switched MoNa’s auto-pilot off and took the controls.

  Engaging warp speed, Kip plunged MoNa into the wormhole. There was a bursting feeling inside his ears. His eyes throbbed. His skin prickled. Travelling hundreds of light years in seconds was tough, even for a top Space Scout.

  They popped out of the wormhole into Clevor’s galaxy. Clevor lay ahead of them. Kip noticed that the biggest country was shaped a bit like a brain. A giant planet orbited close by. Its shadow seemed to swallow Clevo
r.

  ‘I guess that big planet is Geekatron,’ Finbar said.

  ‘Yeah. Clevor’s so small, it could almost be one of Geekatron’s moons,’ replied Kip.

  He called up a high-res image using MoNa’s multi-directional long-range telescope. Clevor’s surface was grassy and red. There was a domed building made of a substance that wobbled like a gigantic jelly. Out the front was a scrolling sign in several alien languages. Kip could just make out the words.

  Welcome to Clevor*

  A planet in its own right. Definitely NOT a moon of Geekatron.

  *Note: Clevor is approx 7.9 times cleverer than Geekatron (Source: Clevor’s own survey)

  Alien kids and their parents streamed through a circular door in the dome. One kid was transparent and looked about the size of Kip’s big toe. Another had bright purple skin with boils that shot out pus every few seconds.

  Suddenly…

  KER-LAAAAAANG!

  Something heavy slammed into MoNa’s starboard side. Kip was almost thrown out of his captain’s chair. There was a blinding flash.

  ‘We’ve been hit!’ Finbar yelled, terrified. Debris was spinning through space just near them. It looked like pieces of a weapon. There was a cloud of greenish gas floating around the debris.

  Kip and Finbar had come in peace. Clevor had invited them! So who was firing missiles?

  ‘Are you damaged, MoNa?’ Kip asked.

  ‘Minor paintwork scratches,’ MoNa said calmly, but she sounded annoyed.

  Kip switched to the Info screen on his console. MoNa’s system had calculated that the missile was a stink flare. On impact, the flare exploded to release a foul-smelling gas. It was disgusting but not dangerous.

  MoNa had also plotted the missile’s course. It came from Geekatron. And it had been heading for Clevor! When MoNa popped through the wormhole, she’d accidentally got in the way.

  ‘WorldCorp said Clevor and Geekatron were just rivals,’ Kip answered. ‘But if Geekatron are firing missiles, it sounds like they really hate each other. Wonder why?’

  Kip considered the situation. If things between Geekatron and Clevor were bad enough for the planets to be firing at each other, he was putting himself and Finbar in danger by landing on Clevor. But if he flew back to Earth without competing, he’d lose the chance to show the universe that humans were friendly and clever.

  Only hours into his mission, and Kip was already facing a life or death decision!

  CHAPTER 3

  Kip put his helmet on firmly. He was a highly trained Space Scout, and whatever danger was ahead on Clevor, he’d be able to handle it.

  Finbar and Kip headed to the landing bay. There, MoNa’s Scrambler Beam mixed up their particles and beamed them through space. Kip and Finbar’s particles reassembled themselves on the surface of Clevor.

  Kip looked around the new planet, his heart hammering. He’d expected to land in a war zone. But aside from the crowds of aliens arriving for the quiz, nothing unusual was happening. Clevor didn’t look like it was under serious attack.

  Was Geekatron’s stink flare a one-off? No-one seemed to have noticed that a missile was even fired.

  Kip wanted to investigate further, but seeing as everything was normal, he knew he needed to get on with his real mission – the quiz.

  The Smartest Kid in the Universe quiz was being held nearby, in the wobbling convention centre they’d seen from space.

  Kip switched on his SpaceCuff, a communication device he wore on his wrist. This gave lots of information that was vital for missions.

  AIR ANALYSIS

  Air: High oxygen. Safe to breathe.

  ‘Extra oxygen keeps your brain alert,’ Kip said to Finbar as he took off his helmet. ‘No wonder the aliens here are so smart.’

  Inside the dome was a lobby. The noise in there was worse than a flock of three-headed spacegulls at feeding time. There were alien kids and their families everywhere. Kip was glad he didn’t have his parents with him. Finbar was way cooler!

  A few alien families were lined up at a table that hovered a metre off the ground. Behind the hovering table stood a grown-up alien, registering contestants. He looked like a giant brain standing on gloopy tentacles. He was wearing a headset and a flashing bowtie.

  ‘If he’s working at the quiz, I guess he must be from Clevor,’ Kip said. ‘They’re super smart, so it figures they’d be giant brains.’

  Through a door to the main auditorium, Kip saw a circular stage surrounded by seats. The seats were mostly full of Clevor aliens.

  Kip joined the queue. In front of him was a short alien kid and his parents. The kid’s body was covered in googly eyes. He wore a monocle on each. He turned around to Kip and Finbar and introduced himself as Gorb.

  ‘Your height is 149.5 centimetres,’ Gorb said, sounding way too smart for Kip’s liking. ‘Your hair’s made of keratin. You speak English. I calculate you are a human from planet Earth.’

  Then the brainy alien behind the table interrupted. ‘Name tags, kiddos!’ he said with an over-the-top smile. The brainy alien handed Kip and Gorb small, thin digital screens with pins on the back.

  When Kip put his on, the screen switched on automatically.

  Name: Kip Kirby

  Home planet: Earth

  Brain weight: 2.6% of total body weight

  ‘How does it know?’ Kip whispered to Finbar.

  ‘I guess it took a reading from your skin,’ Finbar said.

  The brainy alien’s tag said his brain was 91.2% of his weight. His name was Einstein.

  ‘I’m named after one of the Universe’s greatest geniuses because I’m ridiculously clever,’ Einstein said. ‘Far smarter than anyone on Geekatron.’

  He scowled. Kip could tell that just thinking about Geekatron made him mad.

  ‘Anyhoo,’ Einstein continued, forcing a cheesy smile back onto his face. ‘You’re playing Gorb in the first round.’

  Kip’s stomach flip-flopped. Gorb’s name tag said his brain was 46.1% of his total weight! He’d be very hard to beat. But Kip had to try – Earth’s reputation was at stake!

  ‘See you on stage in a few minutes, kiddos,’ Einstein went on.

  He must be the quizmaster! Kip realised. No wonder he’s cheesy.

  Kip and Finbar headed into the packed auditorium. The crowd was full of alien kids waiting with their families to play their rounds. A bird-like alien tickled his neighbour with his feathered tail. A fire-breathing alien who looked like a lizard kept setting chairs on fire and getting told off by her mum.

  There were also loads of Clevor aliens there to watch the quiz.

  A Clevor girl grinned at Kip as he walked past her to the stage.‘Good luck!’ she called with a friendly wave.

  ‘Clevor aliens seem like good sports,’ Kip said quietly to Finbar, waving back.

  ‘Maybe,’ murmured Finbar, pointing. ‘But check that out.’

  Beside the stage were two screens. One listed which contestants were playing each other. The other displayed the quiz rules.

  SMARTEST KID IN THE UNIVERSE

  QUIZ RULES

  • If a contestant answers incorrectly, they’re out of the quiz.

  • Losing contestants will wait in a holding area until the quiz is finished.

  • To prevent arguments, Clevor and Geekatron’s contestants must ALWAYS be kept apart.

  • The winner of each round advances to the next round.

  • The last contestants left go into the Grand Final.*

  • The winner receives the coveted Donald Q. Nerdburger Trophy of Excellence.

  * Wildcard entries also allowed.

  Hmm, thought Kip. If Clevor and Geekatron had to be kept apart to prevent arguments, maybe Clevor weren’t such good sports – at least when it came to Geekatron. He wondered what the Geekatron aliens were like. He didn’t think he’d seen one yet.

  Finbar sat down in the audience to watch Kip’s round. Kip took a deep breath. He needed to stop wondering about Clevor and Geekatron and star
t thinking about the quiz!

  In the middle of the stage there was an odd-looking glass orb. Forks of electrical energy flashed inside. Behind the orb were buzzers for the contestants.

  As Kip climbed the stairs to the stage, he stared at the orb and tried to work out what it was. There was something sinister about it, but Kip couldn’t put his finger on it. He took his place beside Gorb.

  Just then, Einstein appeared on the stage. The crowd hushed. The quiz was beginning!

  CHAPTER 4

  ‘Okey-dokey!’ Einstein smirked at the audience. ‘Will the smartest kid in the universe be from Geekatron…’

  The brains in the audience booed.

  ‘Orrrrrrr…Clevoooooooooooooor!’ Einstein shouted to deafening cheers.

  How does he know it’ll be one of those planets? Kip wondered.

  ‘I mean…Clevor, Geekatron or any other faaaaaabulous planet competing!’ Einstein quickly added. ‘Now, let’s begin Round One. The topic is Alien Cuisine.’

  Kip relaxed a little. He’d read up on Alien Cuisine during his pre-mission study marathon. He’d even tasted some of it virtually using the Teach-A-Tronic!

  ‘Gorb, from Yorp. What do the aliens of the Nuck Galaxy make their birthday cakes with?’

  Gorb straightened his monocles.‘Their first birthday cakes are made from pureed brains. But their eighteenth cakes have special maggoty flour too.’

  ‘Correct!’ said Einstein. ‘I certainly won’t be inviting myself to a Nuck birthday party any time soon.’ He winked at the other Clevor aliens in the audience.

  ‘Kip Kirby, from Earth.What’s the favourite food of Quort’s Spitting Aliens?’

  Kip was pretty sure Quort’s aliens spat out food that wasn’t tasty. They never ate brussel sprouts or liver quiche. In fact, their favourite food was…

  ‘Chocolate crackles!’ Kip said, relieved.

  ‘Correctomundo,’ Einstein said. ‘The young Earthling has plenty of brain energy, folks.’